


I Joined Him

by TheSheGavin



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Achievement Hunters, Additional Warnings Apply, Character Death, Depressed Gavin, Suicide, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 02:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2491532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSheGavin/pseuds/TheSheGavin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~*~</p><p>Everything can change in an instant. A future can be demolished in a single swoop.</p><p>All it takes is one mistake.</p><p>One flaw.</p><p>An accident.</p><p>And this fatal act is what destroyed my life. An accident drew my way to my own demise. It created a walkway.</p><p>It paved a road to death.</p><p>A road to him.</p><p>And I.. I would join him.</p><p>~*~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I Joined Him

(A tale of Gavin Free.)

~*~

Everything can change in an instant. A future can be demolished in a single swoop.

All it takes is one mistake.

One flaw.

An accident.

And this fatal act is what destroyed my life. An accident drew my way to my own demise. It created a walkway.

It paved a road to death.

A road to him.

And I.. I would join him.

~*~

It was just a normal day. The office was full of laughs and fun. Sarcastic comments and lame jokes were being thrown left and right, but Michael was the highlight to me. He was smiling that contagious, dimpled smile. He talked with his near-melodic voice when he wasn't practically screaming at me and my pranks.

I really wish I told him.

Michael, Geoff, Ray, and myself all went to lunch. It wasn't raining. There were no clouds. It was a bright, shining day.

Michael offered to drive us. I called shotgun and sat next to him. Geoff and Ray sat in the back.

I have forgotten nothing about this day.

We were just going out for lunch. McDonalds was the closest and easiest to do, and we all agreed on it.

I was talking with him. I was editing the recent Let's Play..

Why did I distract him?

We were driving the speed limit. We did everything we were supposed to.

The other driver.. He had a cell phone.

He looked away for one second. 

He shouldn't have.

He passed a stop sign. He rammed into the driver's door at 45 miles per hour.

The doctors said it only took an instant.

-*-

A sob broke loose and Gavin scribbled out his words with a shaky hand. Tears dripped onto the paper, but he continued writing in the spiral-bound notebook, the words coming as easily as his crying.

-*-

But doesn't that mean he had an instant of pain? A burst of horrible agony when his head and side were crushed into odd, inhuman looking angles?

He looked like a broken toy.. And I cried. I cried and screamed for him to wake up. I held onto his lifeless body while he bled out all the life inside of him. I couldn't even talk to him one last time.

I couldn't tell him that I loved him.

He was already gone. Lifeless. Dead.

The rest of us got by with bruises and minor scrapes.

I had nightmares after his death. Terrors, the therapist called it, from post traumatic stress disorder. He told me it would be good for me to discuss them. To realize they weren't real.

I guess now is as good as any other time.

Michael and I would be talking together, just as we normally would. We would discuss life and meaningless things.. But then he would change into this.. This monster. A hideous pile of screaming flesh and blood.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP IT?! WHY?! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU!"

I would be mortified. I couldn't run away, and I couldn't wake up. I usually would yell back. I would scream that it wasn't real. I would even try to negotiate with this thing, but it would just keep screaming. I could've done something to help him.. I could've not distracted Michael. I could've helped swerve. I could've done something different..

But I didn't. I let him die.

I love him so much.

Geoff knows.. He knows how much I loved him. And Ray knows.. They all know, but Lindsay is the only one that understands. She shares the pain of losing him.

Lindsay is also pregnant.. With Michael's child. They were married. They thought they had forever.

She wanted to name the child with something Michael would've liked. They talked about names before.. Michael really seemed to be fond of Kyle. Kyle Michael Jones will be his name. Lindsay misses him so much..

-*-

The page was full now. He quickly flipped it to the back and continued.

-*-

You know.. Whoever finds this first, please just know that this isn't your fault. No one is to blame. I just.. I don't want to leave him alone. He's always wanted company. 

I was watching some of the old Let's Plays. The ones before the accident. Michael once commented that he died looking into my eyes. I told him that's how I wanted it to happen in real life.

I didn't mean it.

I know what I'm about to do is extremely selfish. Death isn't an answer. It isn't a good way out. But.. But I miss him so much. I miss his dimples. I miss how angry he gets when I screw up. I miss Team Nice Dynamite. I miss our subtle glances. I miss our meaningless conversations. I miss him.

Does he miss me?

I ask myself this all the time.

What would he say if I went to be with him again? Would he call me stupid? Would he scream at me?

He would call the gesture so selfish and stupid.. But then he would accept it. Just like he always has with my stupidity.

It's been almost a year. I'd kill just to see him.

Geoff told me to read up about the stages of grief. Just for me to ease through the stages.

I've gone through everything except acceptance.

I can't accept it. I won't.

Just like I can't forget.

If I forget, he'll be gone. He'll disappear forever. He'll fade from my life and I don't want that.

-*-

Gavin set the pen down for a moment to wipe at his soggy eyes. The bedroom was freezing cold, and he felt like Michael himself was egging him on.

-*-

So I've decided not to let him die alone.

I love you all. Each and every one of you.

But I miss him too much. And it's not getting better.

Goodbye my friends.

Gavin Free

-*-

Gavin placed the note onto his bed after signing it. He grabbed the hoodie Michael had let him borrow before the accident, which had the faintest hint of him lingering in the cloth, before pulling it on. He grabbed a few more things before heading out the door.

~*~

Michael's grave stone wasn't extremely large or fancy, but it wasn't small and unnoticeable. It displayed his name and lifespan in bland print.

Michael Vincent Jones

1987 - 2015

Under it was a quote that Lindsay had picked out.

"Life is only a dream; soon, we shall awaken."

"I'll be awake soon, Mi-cool.." Gavin whispered with a shaky smile. The tears wouldn't even flow now.

He sunk to his knees in the grass by the headstone. His eyes fell to the bouquet at the base.

Yellow and red roses.

Their first rage-quit together

Ray.. Ray must've brought them.

Gavin burst into sobs. Heaving cries wracked his body to a point that he could barely breathe and his body began to tremble violently.

He bought a gun the first month after Michael died. He got a license for it and everything. Geoff had talked him down multiple times. Four in the first month, three in the second, eight in the third.. Geoff hid the gun in so many places. He buried it. He threw it out. Gavin found it each time, and eventually bought a new one when he finally couldn't find the old one.

I'm coming, Michael.

The barrel of the pistol was held to the temple of his forehead. The metal was cold and unfeeling for his shaking hand and soft sobs.

Click.

Everything went red before it flickered black.

It was an instant of murderous pain.


	2. Alternate Ending

~*~

Michael's grave stone wasn't extremely large or fancy, but it wasn't small and unnoticeable. It displayed his name and lifespan in bland print.

Michael Vincent Jones

1987 - 2015

Under it was a quote that Lindsay had picked out.

/"Life is only a dream; soon, we shall awaken."/

"I'll be awake soon, Mi-cool.." Gavin whispered with a shaky smile. The tears wouldn't even flow now.

He sunk to his knees in the grass by the headstone. His eyes fell to the bouquet at the base.

Yellow and red roses.

Their first rage-quit together

Ray.. Ray must've brought them.

Gavin burst into sobs. Heaving cries wracked his body to a point that he could barely breathe and his body began to tremble violently.

He bought a gun the first month after Michael died. He got a license for it and everything. Geoff had talked him down multiple times. Four in the first month, three in the second, eight in the third.. Geoff hid the gun in so many places. He buried it. He threw it out. Gavin found it each time, and eventually bought a new one when he finally couldn't find the old one.

/I'm coming, Michael./

The barrel of the pistol was held to the temple of his forehead. The metal was cold and unfeeling for his shaking hand and soft sobs. His eyes were screwed tightly shut.

/Gavin../

He froze, his eyes flying open with shock.

The gun dropped out of his hand before he could even turn off the safety, hitting his shoulder on the way to the grass.

Michael.

/Michael./

Gavin felt a tremor run through his body as he watched Michael, who was translucent in the uncharacteristically bright light of the dismal day. He leaned forward with his elbows against his headstone, making it so his face was only a few feet from his own.

/What are you doing?/

The look on Michael's face was.. Frustrated? Saddened? His eyebrows were drawn together, and a disapproving frown was pulling at his lips. He didn't look angry. He didn't look happy either.

"I miss you, Mi-cool.." Gavin whispered, unsure if he was seeing things or not.

/I know that, Gav. But that's not my question./

He motioned towards the gun with a small nod of his head.

Gavin realized his expression was disappointment.

Gavin let out an aching sob, "I j-just miss you so.. So much." 

/Gavin, you're an idiot. You really think I'd be happy if you came with me?/

Gavin pawed at his eyes, hearing the guilt-giving confusion in his voice.

/I'd hate you if you went through with it. Seriously, what kind of a dumbass are you? You have a perfectly good life. I can't live mine, so you're just gonna have to live happy enough for both of us./

"But Mi-cool.." Gavin's voice wavered and Michael mimicked his words with a mocking, fake British tone, "This isn't a joke, Mi-cool."

/God, you're so fucking stupid. I'm not going to let you go through with it./

"Mi-cool, why?! It was my fault! I could've stopped it!"

/Idiot. You didn't do shit. I know it's unfair, but you need to move the fuck on. It's been a year. How long are you going to hold on to your delusions?/

"But-"

The specter groaned in exasperation, /Gavin, seriously, shut the fuck up. I love you and all, but I'd rather not have our last talk be fucking filled to the brim with you being a British asshole./

I love you. The phrase bounced around in Gavin's head for a moment, and his face scrunched into more tears.

/Shit. What now?/

"I love you too, Mi-cool." Gavin sobbed past a grin, shaking his head as he rubbed his tears away with his sleeve.

Michael let out a short laugh before speaking again, /We've both been waiting for that for awhile, huh./ Michael's face shifted to a warm smile, one that made Gavin's chest ache with nostalgia.

/When it's your time, then you can come and get me, you moron. Until then, help Lindsay out. Stay around for the Ramsay's. Keep Ray on his feet. Make sure Ryan doesn't kill anyone, and keep Jack as friendly as ever. Keep our friends safe and happy./

"I'll do my best, Michael." Gavin sniffled, standing so his knees were off the damp ground.

/You're my boi, Gavin. I love you. Tell Lindsay I love her too./ Michael eyed Gavin with a large smile. It was enough to drive Gavin to tears once more with the desire to reach out and touch him one last time.

"I love you, Mi-cool."

/Bye Gav. I'll see you later./

With that, he was gone.

He didn't even hear someone come up behind him. His ears were muffled, and his face was still damp.

"Gav!"

Arms wrapped around him, crushing him with a tight hug. It was Ray, Geoff and Griffon a few paces behind him. He smelled like sweat, and his back was damp like he ran here.

"It's not your fault. Oh god, it's not your fault, Gav. Please, I promise. I'm glad I fucking caught you before.. Before..." Ray whimpered and clutched the back of his sweatshirt tightly, bunching up the fabric as he spoke into his chest.

"I know that now, Ray.. I know." Gavin hugged him back before removing himself from the embrace. He picked the gun off the ground and placed it into Geoff's hand.

"I don't need this anymore. I promise this time."

Geoff stared at the gun for a long moment, his chin quavering. He turned and headed back to the car.

"I'm so glad you didn't go through with it. We need you, Gav." Ray's eyes were filled with worry, "I saw you walking this way and when I saw the gun.." Ray trailed off, and Gavin assumed he must've followed him and called them.

Geoff came back quickly, hugging him tightly with a growl that sounded vaguely like, "You're an asshole."

"What stopped you? I want to make sure this never happens again." Griffon frowned, but kept a hopeful look.

"I thought about Michael."

And that's all he needed.

~*~

Months passed. Everyone was pleasantly surprised to find Gavin happier than he had been in a year. He spent a lot of time with Lindsay and Kyle, went out with the guys, brought flowers to Michael's grave every weekend, rain or shine. He even started talking about Michael again. While it was a little bittersweet, Gavin enjoyed glancing over old pictures and reminiscing, or chatting of an old Let's Play. He was healing, and it helped everyone else.

Gavin kept everyone in check. There were times where he would falter. Times where he would break into tears at the very thought of Michael. But everyone else was there to lift him back onto his feet again.

Nothing was ever the same, but everything was at least okay.


End file.
